Back in when I was in Iraq, my buddies and I had a lot of time to talk about anything that popped into our heads. One of the more common conversations was pitting various pop culture characters against each other and debating on who will win. Recently, I felt need to revisit this topic again in the form of bouts in written word. However, instead of using American pop culture characters I plan on using well known anime characters as the combatants. So you know that I'm not just pulling these stories out of my butt, here are the rules I set for myself to be fair to the characters:
1) The victor of the fight will be judged by the skills, powers, abilities, and will power that each character has. This informal rating system will help me, with unbiased, to pick a winner without showing favoritism.
2) The merits mentioned above will be determined by the anime and manga that they appear. This will help me set the limits each character by studying the limits they show in their media. That way, I won't lay some B.S. like this character having class 9 armor or another can magically shoot lightning bolts from their butt.
3) Since I haven't watched certain animes yet, there are some matches I can not write about because I don't know anything about them. For example, I can't do a bout containing characters from Saiyuki because I never watched the anime. It will be unfair to those characters to fight another character I actually know because it might create a bias towards the most known character.
4) I will try by best to pit characters against other characters that are nearly equal in skills, powers, abilities, and endurance. This will help me in writing a more exciting fight and will prevent the possibility of uneven fights like Chiyo-chan from Azumanga Daioh going up against Alucard from Hellsing (though that will be funny).
5) Whenever it I get the inkling, I might throw in a couple of unique fights like group bouts (Sailor Scouts, Z Fighters) or weird bouts (Fuu from Samurai Champloo in an eating contest, various characters in a baseball game). Also, since I'm a big comic book fan, don't be surprised to see some of comics most notable characters going up against anime's elite (a possible Superman/Goku match up?)
Now this is were you guys come in. I would really appreciate it if you comment on my fights, whether good or bad. For instance, if you object the result of a match because I may have omitted an ability a character had, post it up. That way we can debate whether an ability will tip the scales in favor of the loser. Finally, if you have any suggestions on a future bout, I'll be glad to consider it. Keep in mind however, I may not be able to write it out because I may have little knowledge of one or both combatants. So without further ado, on with round one:
Roger Smith vs. Shinji Ikari
Roger Smith: A negotiator in the post apocalyptic Paradigm City, he helps his clients in resolving their disputes. When negotiations break down, he uses a giant mecha known as Big O to swing a resolution his way.
Shinji Ikari: Young high school student in Tokyo-3. He is selected to pilot EVA 01: a giant mecha designed to fight against invading monsters called Angels from destroying his city.
Tale of the Tape Roger Smith
Hometown: Paradigm City
Pilots: Big-O
Notable Companions: Angel, R. Dorothy
Archenemy: Beck
Dresses Like He's In: GQ
Strangest Quirk: Collects Hourglasses
Shinji Ikari
Hometown: Tokyo 3
Pilots: Eva Unit 01
Notable Companions: Asuka, Rei
Archenemy: Geno Ikari
Dresses Like He's In: BDSM Monthly
Strangest Quirk: Masturbates to unconcious girls
The Bout:
Tokyo-3 warps and ripples as reality is being restructured by the whims of the godlike Rei. At the same time, in another world, the curtains go down on Paradigm City as Angel in Big Venus rewrites the script of the world she knew. As both omnipotent beings expand their consciousness, for a brief moment, they converge and fuse at a single point in reality.
Paradigm City-3, the sun shines above an amalgamated metropolis. On one side of the city, a black monolith stands surrounded by the gothic spires and domes it's charged to protect. On the other opposite side, a purple sentinel waits as the buildings it's created to defend retract into the ground.
"What the hell is that?!?" Misato yelled as her monitors show a giant black figure standing opposite Eva 01.
"Could it be another angel?" Asked a voice transmitting from the purple mecha. "I don't know Shinji" Misato replied. "It doesn't look like any of the previous angels, but let's not take any chances, when you're ready, fire at will. Hopefully we'll catch it by surprise and end this quickly."
"U-uh..right." Shinji said warily.
"What is that?" Roger said quizzically
"Could it be another Archetype? Where's Big-Fao??
"It is unknown" replied Dorothy "all I could tell you is that the mega deuce facing us seems somehow alive."
Roger looks a back a Dorothy with a smirk, "Alive, huh? That thing being alive is as likely as you having regular bowel move...."
BAM!!
Before he could finish his thought, Big O is rocked by a series of bullets emanating from the purple giant's rifle. All Roger could do is raise Big O's arms to protect himself and Dorothy before the next wave of bullets hit.
"Direct hit! Nice job Shinji!" Misato said enthusiastically.
"Uh..Misato, it's not going down."
"What?!?" Misato replied.
"Uh, it looks like the rounds can't penetrate the armor on its arms."
Misato stares intently at her monitors to witness Shinji's observations first hand. Before she could muster an order, she jumps as a spike with a chain shoots out the left side of the black monolith. Before Shinji could react, the chain retracts on the dark giant is forced out of Shinji's field of fire. As Shinji tries to re-zero on his former target, he is shocked to see the right arm of his enemy has turned into a giant gattling gun aiming right at him.
"Oh Shiii--!" Shinji exclaimed as he forces Eva to jump to avoid being hit. But before he could get behind a row of abandoned buildings, Eva is slammed by a succession of glowing projectiles that destroy his gun and chip away at Eva's armor.
"Shinji, are you all right??" Misato screamed into the receiver.
Shinji slowly opens his eyes after recovering from the pain and began to asses his situation.
"Uh I'm okay, the rifle is trashed, EVA is....uh..OH CRAP! Eva's power cord is cut!?!"
"That means you only have almost no time to waste" Misato said urgently "you have to end this know. Judging from its movements, that thing is slow. Use Eva's speed to flank it to attack it from the side with your knife. Hopefully you'll be able to break into its AT field and hit its core before it could react."
With that, Shinji pulled the progressive knife from its sheath, and prepared for the assault.
"Damn!" Roger cursed in annoyance, "Where did it go? Can you see it Dorothy??"
"Negative" Dorothy responded mechanically, "perhaps it retreated?"
"I doubt, keep scanning, I sure its hiding behind some buildings somewhere."
Just then, Roger caught movement at the corner of his eye and quickly turn his head to get a better look. He becomes paralyzed with disbelief when he sees the speed with which his opponent is closing in at Big O. Roger immediately paid for his hesitation as the purple goliath slams a blade right into the inner workings of his gattling gun arm.
"Roger, he has damaged Big O's right arm" Dorothy commented with a surprising hint of concern.
"No problem Dorothy," Roger said with confidence, "he may think he got the upper hand, but he unwillingly put himself exactly where I want him"
With a slight flick a wrist, his left arm controls flip over to reveal a second set of controls with a trigger. Amazed by his enemie's lack of an AT field, Shinji quickly begins to curse himself when he notices that his bad aim caused him to hit the black giant's arm instead of his core. He attempts to dig the knife in deeper hoping to penetrate the massive arm and have an open access to the core. His concentration is soon moved elsewhere, however, when he notices a giant piston on his enemies free arm begin to charge up as the arm sets up for what appears to be a punch.
"Shinji, look out!" Misato screams intensely over Shinji's speakers, but it was too late. Before he could jump away, EVA is rocked square in the chest with a jackhammer-esque punch that shatters most of its armor and sends it through three buildings before it settles on what's left of city hall.
'Shinji, Shinji?!? Speak to me!" Misato cries out over the receiver but with no avail. In the cockpit, Shinji is paralyzed with pain from the hit of his dark opponent. Slowly however, he begins to feel a darkness emanating from giant around him.
"Oh no!" Shinji mumbles weakly as he attempts to do....well anything. However, he can only scream as monster housed in Eva 01 begins to awaken.
And the Winner Is:
"This is an amazing knife" Roger mused as he pulls it out of Big O's mangled right arm. "If I had been any slower, he may have gone straight through and landed a killing blow." Having successfully pulled the knife out, Roger moves it into his line of vision to further admire the sturdy blade. "I'll probably have Norman find a way to integrate it into the weapon systems of..."
"Roger look out!" Dorothy yelled cutting off Roger's train of thought. Turning his head, Roger looked up just in time to see a savage version of his fallen foe land on Big O's chest and begin to slam the shatter proof glass surrounding the cockpit. The ferocious impacts knocked the progressive knife way from Big O's hand and begins to crack the glass. In a logical voice, Dorothy begins to advise her guardian between the noise of the monster's strikes.
"Roger....if it keeps hitting us any longer....it will shatter the glass."
"I'm beginning to get sick of this thing" Roger replied with determination, "m going to end this once and for all!"
Misato stares in horror as her worst fears once again appear in the form of a savage EVA. Despite her shock, she is alert enough to notice the eyes of the black mecha light up, then emit an intense pair of energy beams. She can only watch as the beams hit EVA 01 in the neck and proceed to behead EVA with intense heat. As the body of EVA begins to fall, the black mecha supports the body with its damaged arm and punch through EVA's chest pulling out the plug in one fluid motion. After successfully pulling the plug all the way out, the black mecha lets go of EVA's body letting it fall to the ground.
"Roger, I'm getting video signals from the cylinder your holding."
"Boot it up" Roger replied sternly. The screen positioned in front of Roger lights up showing an unconscious boy in a strange suit inside the metal cylinder in Big O's hand.
"Heh," Roger chortled "Figures."
"What's that Roger?" Dorothy asked in wonder. "Remember this Dorothy, never have a child do an adult's job." Roger replied smugly.
"I'll keep that in mind." Dorothy stated dryly "Should we help him out of that container?"
"Hmm..why not?" Roger replied, "he may have started it, but what kind of gentleman would I be if I let a child, let alone my opponent to suffocate in a metal coffin?"
"You're all heart." Dorothy said with a hint of sarcasm "I know, so let's get to work...before they could get up, reality once again began to ripple and fade as the two omnipotent beings begin to drift apart. Angel cracks a smile as she vicariously feels the victory Roger achieved. Rei conversely, can only feel concern for her champion and sets plans to make a personal paradise for Shinji.
WE HAVE COME TO TERMS.
